Faith and Beggorah – and the top o’ the morning to all you lads and lassies who’ve been waiting for the Official Report of the 2004 Big Jim Invitational Memorial Golf Tournament (The BJIM) – the Irish Edition.  Big Jim himself made a trip to the Old Sod late in his life and he’d surely be smiling on our Irish Odyssey to some of the finest golf courses on God’s green earth.  The participants in this adventure were as follows: Jim (Tank), Tom (Rookie Tom), Bill (Padre Bill), Ed (Easy Ed), Dave (Big Dave), Joe (Joe Bear), Dave (Rotton Dave), Denny (Yo Daddy), Kevin (BirdMan), Michael (Mighty Mike), Greg (Greg the Great), Larry (The Italian Scallion).

Ten of us assembled in Baltimore, Joe launched from Atlanta, and Tank via Philadelphia… the three mighty jets cruised over the Atlantic by night and all arrived at Shannon within an hour of each other on Saturday morning.  We collected our minivans, loaded up and headed south, through Limerick to Killarney and to our condos at Muckros Holiday Village.  The condos are pretty new and still a little raw… three little bedrooms upstairs and a fairly spacious great room.  We had problems with hot water supply, quirky appliances, no telephones, towel availability, lack of tidy up service, only one key per unit and absence of anyone to complain to.  But we’re a hardy stock and not whiners…  we did fine, and they soon felt like home.

There was a pub right next door, and a grocery shop nearby.  We located an off sale liquor dealer as well.  We found limes and tonic, but the gin was very dear in Ireland, so we stuck primarily to the Guinness… try not to feel sorry for us.

This was our home base, and we’d drive to the course of the day.  Yo Daddy and Birdman had carefully constructed pairing sheets for each day’s competition, but their labors seemed to be for naught.  On Sunday, Yo Daddy inexplicably announced the incorrect tee times.  Some of us went off to Mass, others out for Irish breakfast, expecting a leisurely trip to Killarney Golf and Fish Club for our 12:40 tee time.  At 10:00, Daddy said oops I meant 10:40, not 12:40, so we rushed to the course and teed off first come first served.  Not a problem, the people at the course couldn’t have been more accommodating.

On Dooks day on Monday, one of our cars inexplicably experienced two flat tires simultaneously, requiring a consolidation of players and clubs, one car left behind for repairs, a last minute taxi ride for some, and a rush to the tee.  Again, everything worked out fine.  For Tralee, our directions inexplicably were not detailed enough, leaving us wandering on some tiny country roads.  However, we got there barely in time and teed off on schedule.

At Ballybunion, our waiting list request to play the Old Course (rather than the Cashen Course) was approved, but they moved our tee time up an hour, so getting to the course an hour early really meant we were just on time again.

On our final day, Denny inexplicably decided to spend his day relaxing at Tralee Hospital, rather than playing Waterville.  But again the rest of us teed off on time.  The people at all of the golf courses welcomed us warmly and made us feel at home.

The Courses

Killarney Golf and Fishing Club

“Only a man devoid of soul could not rapture in the splendour and tranquility of Killarney Golf Course.”  -- Henry Longhurst

A golf mecca in its own right, there are three courses here… Mahony’s Point, Killeen and Lackabane.  Golf has been played here since 1891.  We were on Mahony’s Point, along the lakes of Killarney.  Tranquil was the key word here, but pot bunkers and undulating greens and a few water hazards added interest and challenge.  The friendly and accommodating staff made us feel welcome.  Our only parkland course, this was a fitting introduction to golf in Ireland.

Dooks Golf Club

Dooks, established in 1889, is County Kerry’s oldest golf course.  It is a classic links course on a little peninsula that juts into Dingle Bay.  McGillicuddy’s Reeks are in view to the South, as are the hills of Glenbeigh and the Dingle Mountains to the North.  The gray clouds and rain, combined with the rugged natural beauty, made it seem like we could be playing there a hundred years ago with Chivas Irons or old Tom Morris himself.  A traditional course and a throwback to the times when golf began and “greens lay where they fell and were better for it.”

Tralee Golf Club

“If heaven is not like this, I don’t want to go there.” – Wayne Westner

This is one of Ireland’s “new” courses, an Arnold Palmer design, dating back only 20 years to 1984.  It is the most spectacular golf course I have ever seen and got top marks from all of the players on this trip.  Comparisons to Pebble Beach were made on several holes, but Pebble Beach lacks ancient remains of round towers and castles (and the $180 green fees are less than half of what Pebble Beach charges).  Awesome vistas of the Atlantic from elevated tees… intimidating drives across cavernous valleys… the course was impeccably maintained, but preserved its natural rugged beauty.  The opportunity to play this course alone would have been worth the trip.

Ballybunion Golf Club

The Old Course at Ballybunion dates from 1893 when it began with 12 holes.  Other than its expansion to 18, one could imagine that little has changed since then.  Tom Watson calls it “one of the best and most beautiful tests of links golf anywhere in the world.”  The first hole has a 200-year-old graveyard along the right side of the fairway, beckoning menacingly to any slice of the ball.  Like most links courses, it is virtually treeless, but blessed with ample gorse and sea grass covering the dunes of sand.  The membership likes the wild look it retains.  The wind is a major factor and the greens have some of the severest slopes of any course we’ve played.  It plays long – 6600 yards from the whites – and I certainly agree with Mr. Watson when he says, “the 11^th, a 446 yard par 4 perched right on the seaside cliffs, is one of the toughest holes in the world.” 

Some of us played the “new” Cashen course at Ballybunion… a majestic creation with ever better ocean views designed by Robert Trent Jones in the 1970’s.  Starting in the late afternoon, these stalwarts finished the last hole as darkness fell around 10:30 p.m.

Waterville Golf Club

Our final test, Waterville is another of the storied classics of Irish links golf.  By tradition, all the holes on these courses are named.  The fact that the name of the first hole at Waterville is “Last Easy” gives you some idea of what’s in store.  Waterville has a mystic quality, located right in the middle of the “Ring of Kerry” drive.  It is surrounded on three sides by Balinskellig’s Bay.  The dunes and gorse and sea grass are similar to Ballybunion Old, but here seemed even more challenging.  Any pain was salved, however, by the breathtaking views along the 6781 yards of this stunning course.

For those who couldn’t get enough golf (and I guess this was the majority of us), there was a charming 9 hole course just 5 minutes from our home base called Ross Golf Club, partly situated within a steeplechase race course.  It was a full sized 9 holes, about 3300 yards and had some interesting twists and turns to it.  No tourists here, and the pub was traditional rustic Irish.  The Ross Course got play on four different days. 

On the way back from Dooks, at least one foursome tried the local course at Killorglin, based on the recommendation of a local publican.  It was a tidy parkland course, but not in the same league as our scheduled routes.

Birdie Count

Note the consecutive birds by Birdman… sweet.

Best Single Shot

Rookie Tom hit a sparkling 3 wood across the gorge to the green at #11 on Tralee.

Yo Daddy impressed us with a 250-yard fairway shot to 12 feet on the 556-yard 9^th at Ross.

Encouraged by his brother Joe, the Tank cleared the chasm at #17 on Tralee (a 185-yard forced carry) with a 215-yard drive into the wind.  (Hey, my good drive is 170 yards.)

But the winner is Big Dave, who landed a 250-yard 7 wood just 8 feet from the cup on the #9 at Tralee, setting up an eagle attempt.

Worst Single Shot

The company was so pleasant and the scenery so beautiful that the pain of bad shots didn’t seem as bad as most years.  Those severely tilted greens resulted in many unhappy bounces, and any shot that wandered into that 3-foot rough along most fairways caused some temporary grief.  The Tank recalls an approach shot from 5 feet off a green at Mahony’s that headed toward the pin, but veered left down the slope and into an impossible pot bunker.  But all of this pales in comparison to the heartbreaking result of a terrible shot by not-so-Mighty Mike at Tralee.  The 12^th hole has a fairway that narrows to about 10 yards wide as it gets closer to the green, with a virtual cliff all along the left side.  Mike struck a long 6 iron to the center of that narrow strip, leaving him only 80 yards across the deep valley to the green.  His subsequent chili dip-chunk shot traveled about 10 yards dead left and 60 yards straight down into the chasm.  From glory to gory.

Longest Drive

Joe Bear connected for a majestic 300 yards on number 13 at Mahony’s Point.

Big Dave, on the same hole, landed one two feet longer than Joe’s.

Mighty Mike launched one 305 yards on the 9^th at Ballybunion.

But the winner this year is Easy Ed who, with a slight downhill slope and a mild wind assist, hit one down the middle of the 2^nd at Mahony’s an impressive 310 yards.

Longest Putt

Yo Daddy rammed one in from 51 feet on the 8^th at Killorglin.

The Tank drained one for par from 54 feet on the 7^th at Mahony’s Point (see Best Dance).

Padre Bill bested that with a 56 footer on number 5 at Ballybunion.

But the winner was a 60-foot masterpiece on the 9^th at Mahony’s Point by Joe Bear.

Longest 2-Putt

Denny dissed this category last year, and perhaps that’s why there were few efforts recorded this time. 

Rookie Tom got one down in two from 60 feet on the 7^th at Waterville.

And the Tank managed a two from 67 feet on #4 at Tralee to take the category.

If you want the glory, you gotta record the achievement!
 

Closest to the Pin

We’ve never had a hole in one recorded in the annual BJIM, but we’ve also never had one come this close.  On the third hole at the Cashen course at Ballybunion, a 141-yard shot to an elevated green, Kevin a.k.a. Birdman put his shot to within one inch of the hole. 

Best New Club

There was a plethora of shiny new equipment on display.  Tank brought an Elmer Fudd 450 cc driver with a deep red head and yellow shaft.  He used it 17 times at Mahony’s Point with OK results every time.  The short length of these efforts apparently dissuaded anyone from making an offer on its twin, which was for sale.

But the most dramatic “new club” shots had to have been produced by Joe Bear’s Adams “Red Line” driver.  Joe killed many of his tee shots.  Denny tried for the whole trip to trade his Cobra for Joe’s Red Line.

Worst Beating in a Match

 Big Dave and Joe Bear beat Birdman and the Italian Scallion 18 up on the first nine at Tralee (there are only 18 points available).  The carnage on the back was less severe… Birdman and Scallion surrendered only 10 more points for an overall thrashing of 28 down…  they also lost 2 presses to Big Dave and Joe.  This is an all time BJIM record.

Best Round Low Gross

The Birdman came in with an 87 at Cashen.  I heard unofficial reports of other players breaking 90.  But Yo Daddy captured the prize with his first round at Mahony’s Point – a 44 front, 39 back total of 83.

Best Round Low Net

Rookie Tom came in with a 66 last year… tougher going in Ireland.

This was Joe Bear’s “best round in 20 years”… more than worthy of the low net prize.

Cussing Award

Kevin’s remarkable performance from last year was unchallenged.  Actually, very little cursing was observed on this trip… much more common were expressions of joy over the beautiful vistas that were our constant companions…  Well, OK, I’ll award Honorable Mention to Mighty Mike.

Best Dance

The Tank provided tunes in the condo this year via a portable MP3 player and battery-powered speakers featuring his personally selected and downloaded 200 all time greatest hits of rock and roll.  Some of us were actually compelled to dance to a few of these selections, notably Yo Daddy and Easy Ed, who demonstrated some fancy steps. 

This award applies to Golf Course dancin’ though, and this year Yo Daddy must have been saving his best for the last day, for which he was not present.  Therefore, solely by default, the Best Dance Award goes to the Tank.  After a masterful 54-foot putt on the 7^th at Mahony’s Point, the Tank performed not just a “Wocka-Wocka,” but also a shimmy shake with hula features that nearly morphed (but thankfully didn’t) into a Macarena.  Greg was impressed that the vibrations on the green moved his ball two inches closer to the hole.

Best Song

I’ll assume that there was at least a little singing on the Aer Lingus flight from Baltimore to Shannon, what with ten of our members aboard. 

The best (well, only) singing over the air waves was by Kevin’s carload, who serenaded our car-full with a complete “Rose of Tralee” as we entered that city, sent via the two-way “talk-about” radio. 

The longest singing was in our car on the long trip back to Killarney from Waterville to help keep Big Dave, our driver, alert… an anthology of Irish tunes by Tank, Joe, Ed and Father Bill.  (Yours on two CD’s for just two easy payments of $14.95.)

Public singing was less extensive than might be expected in Ireland.  We serenaded our waitresses in Killarney, Dooks and Tralee with our standard “Sunshine,” augmented with a dramatic reprise of the last line.  The rendition at Dooks was best, getting a strong round of applause from others in the pub, but no requests for an encore.  We had also promised a song to the manager there, but she escaped before the event.

Best Dressed

We all fit right in on the Irish links, where long trousers and wool caps are de rigueur.  At Dooks, an impressive array of high tech rain gear was on display to ward off a steady drizzle.  Greg’s retro two-tone shirt and white pants were favorably noted at Tralee, and his geometrically patterned Ballybunion shirt was striking at Waterville.

The Tank got kudos for his collection of shirts with a Mexican Riviera theme.  The Italian Scallion made a triple play with his U of M Terrapin shirt with matching hat and a Terrapin club cover on his driver.  Fear the Turtle!

 
But the clear winner was Mighty Mike.  He stole the show at Tralee with an authentic Bobby Jones ensemble… long sleeved white shirt and blue patterned tie, white trousers, two-tone shoes and blue knit sweater vest, and topped off with an Irish wool cap.  He was not only the best dressed in our group; he was the best dressed on the course

Restaurant Reviews

While the guidebooks make reference to several fine dining establishments in the Killarney area, our schedule was not compatible with that approach, so we mostly relied on pub food.  This fare ranged from just OK to pretty good, though it didn’t come cheap.  The legend of inexpensive but extraordinary pub food may still survive, although it is threatened in Killarney, one of the most touristy of Irish towns. 

Murphy’s Pub was highly touted and perhaps for good reason, for it was always too crowded when we went to try it.  Squire’s Pub had a passable Irish stew and a decent shepherd’s pie, but avoid the prawns.  Mike’s Fish & Chips had too much breading and too much grease.  The Irish stew at the Killarney Oaks Pub was pretty good… plenty of tender lamb, but it needed a heartier broth.  The International Carry Out Shop came through at midnight with a fast, hot and cheap supper for late night golfers.  An exotic “Chicken Kiev sandwich” got some positive reviews at a pub on College Street.

Our best dining was at the golf courses themselves.  The seafood chowder at the Killarney Gold and Fish Club was sublime, full of tender mussels and chunks of salmon in a rich cream sauce.  Chowders at the other clubs were always good, but not to KG&F Club standards.  The open face salmon on toast was special at Dooks, and just as good at Tralee… a generous portion of the freshest fish, poached and served with a béarnaise sauce.

We laid in Irish soda bread and Brack (yummy raisin bread), Irish creamery butter and black currant jam, Weetabix & milk and fruit for breakfast in our condos.  Those who went out had good luck with traditional Irish breakfast at several locations.  The breakfast at the Gleneagles Hotel nearby was especially sumptuous with cordial, prompt service and three kinds of sausage.

Other Remarkable Events

Bill Feeney, who has been known to need 6 balls on a Pennsylvania course, played 18 holes in Ireland using the same ball.

Rookie Tom hit 3 ugly shots with his 3 wood before he realized the club was broken.

Kevin climbed a mountain at Tralee to find his ball, almost tumbling into the abyss.  He found to ball, then hit his next shot… deeper into the abyss.

On #5 at Waterville, Big Dave, Rotton Dave and Rookie Tom all took 9’s.  Big Dave won the hole since he got a stroke off both RD & RT.

The Tank predicted the appearance of an Iridium Flare at 11:43 p.m. Wednesday night.  It showed up as a bright –6 magnitude stunner precisely at the predicted time and location.  The seven observers exhibited appropriate awe.

We actually found American-style riding golf carts at one of the venues, Waterville, the last course we played.  They provided us with three gas-powered carts, which were gratefully employed by those most in need.

Tank was having serious problems holding onto his clubs in the rain at Dooks.  Yo Daddy took pity and loaned him a set of “rain gloves” engineered to perform when wet.  The next day, Tank found a pair for sale at Tralee.  The price:  $36.00.  Tank took the hit for the Team, explaining to Rotton Dave: “If I spend $36 on a pair of rain gloves, it’s not going to rain on us as long as we’re in Ireland.”  And it didn’t.

Unfortunate Things That Happened to Denny

Denny shot an 83 at Mahony’s Point… a full 3 shots better than his predicted score.  How many players’ handicaps went down against Denny?  NONE.  How many handicaps went up against Denny?  SEVEN.

On the 102-yard par 3 at Ross Golf Course, Denny hit a perfect wedge that covered the flag for its first 90 yards.  Then, a strong cross-wind above the trees blew it left about 10 feet, where it hit the left part of the green, kicked sharply left, into a lake!  ARRRGH.  Denny says he is going to quit playing this stupid game… pretty soon.

On the 4^th hole at Ballybunion, a front loader bulldozer four blocks away purposely dropped a large load of rocks during Denny’s back swing!  His shot was deflected just enough to miss the center of the fairway and trickle into the gorse.

Course Rankings

There were no dogs in this rotation.  We experienced some of the world’s greatest courses on this trip.  A poll of our golfers showed the clear winner to be Tralee.  Second Place went to Cashen for those who played it.  Waterville nosed out Mahony’s Point for Third, followed by Ballybunion Old and Dooks.

Final Handicaps
 

Obviously, the Most Improved Golfer Award for this year goes to Rookie Tom… from a 25 to an 11.  This 14 stroke improvement is the best ever in the history of the BJIM.  Congratulations Tom!
 

Truly this was a significant milestone in the history of the BJIM and a great adventure for all of the participants.  We all missed our honorary brother, Effin’ Barry… we’d d to see his game matched against these world-class courses. 

Caed Mille Failte to Kevin’s Mary, Larry’s Ellen and Rotton Dave’s Jackie, who crossed the pond to join their men for a post-BJIM tour of Western Ireland.  The actually arrived on Wednesday of our trip in order to allow a few days of shopping time.  I trust that they were successful.

Rookie Tom has set up a lovely website containing some outstanding photographs of our trip, along with some cogent commentary.  A few of these photos are incorporated into this Report.  Please send him your digital photos to add to the collection.  The URL is:  http://www.colleenmccahill.com/bjim/

Thank you Tom!

Special thanks to Terry McCahill’s Mom for the Irish green golf towels custom-embroidered with our official nicknames.

Many thanks to Yo Daddy for his extraordinary labors in arranging such excellent accommodations/local travel/course selection.  Also to Kevin, his able assistant.

The Only Question:  How do we top this?  And the Answer:  We shouldn’t try to.  Let’s just let this settle into our memories as the superb experience it was.

And more than usual, we thank those near and dear to us who lovingly did what it takes to make this journey a reality.

Rebuttals, objections, comments and criticism on the above are hereby solicited.

Resp’y submitted,

Jim (The Tank)

Replies and Responses to Jimmy's Report

From Rookie Tom

Thanks once again to Tank for being the chronicler of the BJIM golf tournament. Reading about playing golf is never as good as playing golf but it is always great to read his succinct prose and summary of the week’s events. It is especially good to pull out the report sometime in the dead of winter and think back to the previous year and long for the coming of summer.

I had a suggestion for one additional category, special only to Ireland. It would be the Best Beer category. I feel certain there is no controversy about which of the great Irish brews would come in first but there is a nice list of runners-up that might prove interesting. So my list would be:

Guinness – Really, who could not pick this incredible drink as number one? Served on draught in Ireland, it was as splendid as a drink gets.

Smithwicks – I think this is probably a blue-collar ale without the breeding of Guinness and maybe I love it so much because I always associate it with Ireland. (And just saying “Smitticks” is so much fun.) In any case, kicking back with a Smithwicks and some good food was a pretty satisfying way to end a round of golf in Ireland.

Kilkenny Cream Ale – I like this ale as much for its looks as for its taste. It was soooooo…smooth and had the best froth of any beer save Guinness.

Beamish Red Ale – I had a pint of this at the airport prior to getting on the plane for home. I slept like a baby.

A huge thanks to Denny for lining up such a great list of incredible golf courses and for being a stalwart Daddy to the group even in the face of the vagaries of missed and changing tee times, unmarked Irish roads, and vehicles barely big enough to hold the players and their assorted weapons. Hats off to you once again.

It was great having Mike and Greg along this year. Perhaps it is the beginning of new generation of BJIM golfers who will be regulars on the trip. (And adding some life to the respectable but slightly conservative fashion sense of the group can only be a good thing.)

A big “Cheers” to everyone who came along and played so well. It was great fun and really quite an adventure. Those are courses that we will really never forget. Thanks also to my own darling wife who stayed behind with our four children while I golfed it up in Ireland.

Rookie Tom

From Denny